This day always makes me a little emotional. FIVE YEARS! Five years too long. It amazes me how I can't remember exactly where I was or what I was doing a week ago, but I can remember five years ago. I was working at Walmart. I remember I was straightening out the pantyhose section. Cell phones weren't allowed on the floor, but I kept mine in my pocket anyway, since it was always on vibrate. My ringtone kept going off, which was driving me nuts since I thought it was set to vibrate. I saw it was my cousin, Danielle, calling, and since I was working, I kept just pressing end. She called probably three or four times in a row, and I quickly hit END each time. I was kind of curious as to why she called so many times in a row, but didn't think anything of it. The phone in the fitting room rang, and someone answered it and told me it was for me. It was Danielle. I remember her telling me she had something bad to tell me, and she said, "Promise you won't freak out?" Then she told me K'mali had passed away, and that they had found him in his dorm room at EMCC. I remember being completely shocked. I didn't cry at first; I just kept asking her if she was positive. She told me that's what she was told, and I ended up having to get off the phone with her because I was speechless. I walked to the area of the store out back and sat down. I still didn't cry at this point, but I was shaking. I used my cell phone and called my best friend Jaime. Me, Jaime, and K'mali were inseparable at Husson; we were best friends. We weren't even allowed to go to lunch without getting him first. I asked Jaime if she had heard about K'mali, and she hadn't. I told her and knew she would get upset. I think once I heard her cry, that's when my tears really came on. I remember calling and texting back and forth with Danielle, because I still didn't believe it and wanted to be sure. Sure enough, it was real. I remember the managers on duty at work that night wouldn't allow me to clock out early, because "I was still in training period". Not sure why that would mean someone who just found out they lost their best friend can't clock out less than an hour early, but not a big shock coming from Walmart! I remember Brandi and Melissa coming back to check on me and make sure I was okay.
Even to this day, it doesn't seem real. I think about him all the time. He was one of the first people I'd go to for advice. Every time I tried skipping class, he was there telling me to go. I miss his smile, his big hugs, listening to him rap, looking out the peephole and seeing his face, getting him for lunch, beating him up, him telling me he was going to "cut me off", how he hated me calling him Salami...
I met him randomly one day at school. We had our dorm pretty much set up, but we didn't have a fridge. My Nana ended up finding us one, and my Ant brought it over for us. I was outside with a friend and I didn't know him at the time, but I yelled to him and asked if he'd carry it in for us. He did, and I didn't talk to him much at that point. One night, Jaime and I were sitting in the lobby, and he came walking down the stairs. He looked at us and said, "You two looks like a couple of Yankees fans!" I laughed when Jaime responded with, "Is that football?" haha! I let him know I'm very much a Red Sox fan, as is Jaime (says me lol). Ever since then, we were inseparable. I had never known many colored people in my life, and let me tell you, he was the best kind of friend a person could have. I remember the last time I saw him. It was after I had left Husson. I was leaving, and he was outside smoking a cigarette. He was telling me how bummed he was that I was leaving, and I said how maybe we'd all go to EMCC together. He gave me his number and told me to keep in touch and gave me one of his big hugs. We kept in touch after that, and I remember talking to him online one night. He told me he missed me and how when he saw me next, he was going to give me a big hug. I never saw him again...
A couple years ago, my sister convinced me to use her Ouija board with her. It didn't take much convincing, because I've always wanted to try one. I have never believed in that kind of thing, and didn't really understand the hype. But I kid you not, I talked to him. There is no way Michelle knew some of those things. I might sound crazy, but if you experienced it, you'd understand. We found out he died from drugs, but that it wasn't intentional, which I figured. I remember Michelle saying, "Is there anything you want to tell Heather before we go?" and it spelled out H-U-G. That still gives me goosebumps. I had always said I never got my hug.
So much has happened in the past five years. I think about him all the time. I wish he could have met Gus; he always had something smart to say about any of the guys I hung out with at school! I wish he could meet Makenzie. He would love her. I wish I could see his smile and his face when I'd call him Salami (haha, he hated that!). I am, however, happy that he came into my life. He was honestly the best person I know. At least I know he IS still with me, and he always will be.
Tell him we'd be back in a couple of days
In the rear view mirror, we'd all watch him wave
Yeah, losing him wouldn't be so hard to take
If heaven wasn't so far away <3
The only thing that gives me hope is I know, I'll see you again someday.
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